Do you have a toxic relationship habit that is hard to break? 3 tips to heal it.

Aug 31, 2021

Is your relationship with the people around you doing you any good? Anytime you feel unloved, unappreciated, or if there are unforgiving and resentful people to you, just cut the cord. You can break the habit of dysfunctional and toxic relationships by healing your energetic connections.

Choose the people that you want to exchange energy with so that you’ll have the best relationships. Listen to this episode to learn what you can do about keeping your energy clear and focused so you can have the best relationships.

You exchange energy during every conversation and interaction with someone, done with looks, posture, words, thoughts, and emotions.  It mixes with your frequency, causing either harmony or chaos.  Imagine that you interact with several people in a day or hour, and you’ve got all that energy mixed into yours. 

Here are the 3 points covered in this episode:

  1. The Primary Ways of Exchanging Energy
  2. How to Heal your Energetic Connections
  3. What you can do to protect yourself from Reinfection of Toxic Relationships

If you are empathic or sensitive and are unaware of keeping your energy intact, you probably feel drained. There are two primary ways you exchange energy: one is near field interactions, and the other is distance interactions.  They each operate by a slightly different set of rules. 

Picture this scenario:

 You meet with your critical mother, and she says that if you had tried harder, your marriage wouldn’t have crumbled.  If you buy into that idea the least little bit, your energy is knocked off of you, and she scoops it up in her self-righteousness.  Critical parents are a whole other topic, but suffice it to say, they don’t have to say much to bring you into this sort of dynamic with them.  It could be just the look at the dress or suit you are wearing, and you feel the criticism.  You basically crumple. 

This is what falls under the category of distance interaction.  It can be done in person or by phone.  They don’t have to be in proximity to you to feel the effects.  This process is called cording, which is a line of energy between you and another person.  You can exchange energy this way.  It is the primary way we exchange love energy, which is the only healthy energy exchange.

There is scientific evidence that this kind of interpersonal energy exchange happens. Experiments show the energy field around the critic grows while that of his/her victim shrinks. You might even call the person drawing off your energy an energy vampire.  They are not aware they are doing it because they’ve been allowed to and gotten away with it for so long.  It has been their means of survival.  You have to teach them a new way of interacting with you. 

What happens after that is that your relationship shifts towards the positive, or they move on.  It’s a win-win situation and worth the effort.

How do you heal your energetic connection? 

The first step is to reclaim your energy back while releasing theirs.  The next step is to sever the unhealthy connections.

Steps to help you heal your energetic connections to change who you attract

  1. You have been given labels, many of them not so flattering, by others.  You’ve taken them on.  The labels or name-calling can’t affect you if you let the criticism fall off you like you’re made of Teflon. One of the ways I cleared the labels was to write each label on a piece of paper and put them in a gift box.  Incompetent, lazy, selfish, bitch, stupid, dimwitted.  When I was done with it, I put a label on the box and a bow around it.  The label was to the person who “gifted” me with the labels.  I then burned the box and let the spirit take it away.  I then made a list or inventory of positive qualities and reclaimed my power.
  2. I went out into my backyard after a noxious conversation with my mom, who criticized the way I was raising my children.  I got one of those dandelion weed pullers and jabbed each weed out of my backyard as if it were one of those critics.  I did it with relish:  “Get out of my head, I am not listening to it, take that feeling and take that label of out my body. Get this fury away from me. I don’t need to live with you. How dare you say I’m not taking good care of my children.”
  3. I wrote journals in the morning, writing all my feelings down on paper right after I awoke. I just kept writing and writing until I ran out of things to say.  Some days it would be 20 minutes and others it would be 90.  I just kept going until the maelstrom in my head calmed down, and I could think clearly.  I had a lot going on, and I’d even make a list of what I needed to get done that day. 
  4. I took a plastic baseball bat to my pillow and started a dialog with it as if I were talking to my mom. I had buried so much anger deep inside me that it needed to come out.  I pounded that pillow with all my strength and anger that had been buried for so long. “How could you send me into the world defenseless?  I needed to be able to get angry, but instead, I buried it.  So, take that and that.  I need to get angry. It’s okay to get angry.  Anger is a defense. I needed to know my boundaries were violated.  I had to be allowed to be human, and I wasn’t. “

After the last, my voice changed, and I changed.  I became more real and more open.  I didn’t hide anymore.  I was no longer anchored to my two worst critics, my mom and my ex-husband. 

To protect yourself from the reinfection of this relationship, keep cutting down on your energetic cords to sever them

Just cut the cord every time you think of them or every time you get angry or feel sad.  They are calling you back into the fold, and you are drawing them back with thoughts of them. 

These steps go a long way to reclaiming your strength, and I’ll be you have your processes, whether it’s writing, physical exertions, screaming, or a combination of all of them.

Last, there is an energy exchange process called soul retrieval in the shamanic system.  You can experience this in the 5 step relationship healing program at When Sue when through this program, she had a very difficult relationship with her sister:

What happens with sisters collide:

Sue had two sisters, Jo and Maryann. One was loving and supportive, while the other was contentious. When the extended family got together every December for the holidays, family members dreaded the inevitable discomfort between Sue and Maryann. Maryann, the younger one, was totally touchy with anything Sue had to say, while Sue didn’t understand what she said that was so upsetting. It was one of those vicious cycles with no beginning and no end.

Sue gave Maryann’s energy back and reclaimed her own in Step 2 of the program last November. She went home to the dreaded Christmas family get-together to find that Maryann was receptive, easy-going, and even laughed with her older sister. Jo was shocked at this development, as were the rest of the family members. Sue came back to thank me for this process and how it healed her whole family.

You can claim this program for free at

Next time, you’ll hear about healing the near field interactions

Standout Quotes:

  • “The labels or name-calling can’t affect you if you let the criticism fall off you like you’re made of Teflon.” 
  • “I wrote journals every morning because I was going through a lot of turmoil during my divorce. I just kept writing whatever came into my thoughts.” 
  • “It’s okay to get angry. Anger is a defense. I needed to know my boundaries are violated.” 
  • “Any of the feelings that are down at the bottom of the scale; just cut the cord and let that go.” 
  • “Just keep cutting your Cords.” 

Key Takeaways:

Episode Timeline:

[02:30] Exchanging Energy with Others
[03:27] The Process of Cording
[04:33] The Energy Vampire
[05:29] How to Heal Energetic Connections
[06:42] Clearing and Releasing Labels
[08:06] Listing Positive Qualities
[10:31] Writing Journals
[11:26] Releasing Anger
[13:39] Protecting Yourself from Reinfection of Any Relationship
[14:39] Reclaiming your Strength using your own Processes
[15:39] Soul Retrieval

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