How People Pleasing Keeps You Stuck In Abusive Relationships

Jan 29, 2021

Do you come running when your spouse is upset about the most trivial things, going into people pleasing mode?  Do you want to fix him/her so he/she can calm down? Do you want your children to grow up with a father, even it is living like this?

Listen in as Mary tries to appease John. And why she continued in this relationship for a long time even though she was unhappy. Hear some perspectives of other people that either grew up in such parental relationships or lived with it.

Standout Quotes for Getting Help in Abusive Relationships:

  • “Sometimes, a trigger will help propel you forward to seek help.”
  • “History will repeat itself until you choose to stop them.”
  • “You can get help. You just have to reach out and ask for it.”

Key Takeaways for Healing Abusive Relationships:

  • Relationships are energetically complex.
  • It is in women’s nature to be a caregiver, even if it’s detrimental to themselves.
  • Seek help and get advice. You can’t know and do everything.

What people pleasing does to you and your children

In the case of our harried wife, Mary, she knows something is off in her relationship.  As I have mentioned before, relationships are energetically very complex and the reasons people stay in abusive or toxic relationships are just as complex.  Sometimes, one trigger will help propel you forward to seek help.

 But back to Mary: she keeps trying to please John even though he is impossible to please.  She thinks she can save him and finally make him happy.  

I have been where Mary was as well.  It is especially difficult if you have children with this abuser, as Mary had with John.  

Men can also be abused, but it is in women’s nature to be a caregiver, even to the detriment of themselves.  

A mother will attempt to first shield her children from the abuse and second will sacrifice her happiness to keep the family together, no matter what its state.

But by not choosing to stick up for yourself or take care of yourself in that abusive relationship, you are modeling the wrong behavior for your children.

Episode Timeline:

  • 1:53 Why people pleasing fails
  • 2:24 Mothers will shield children & want to keep family together.
  • 3:07 Other people won’t share with you what hits them as a nightmare situation
  • 3:59 The abuse is not your fault
  • 5:54 What kind of behavior are you modeling for your children?
  • 7:00 Don’t forget that you are important too.
  • 7:20 You can stop the abuse cycle. 8:14 Knowing your rights will empower you
  • 8:55 Get your free program worth $97 at

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Learn more about Dr. Anastasia Chopelas

Stay tuned for more about relationships and what to do about them.  If this was program was helpful, please give it  a 5-star or thumbs up rating, share it with your friends and subscribe to my channel.  


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